Resisting resolving!
New Year’s Resolutions – may not always be helpful? Insight from a Psychotherapist…
As the clock struck midnight on New Year’s Eve, social media came alive with colourful and spectacular firework displays from across the globe. Yet, before the dust had even settled, a new spectacle began; the rush to declare New Year’s Resolutions, and the more publicly the better! Promises to lose weight, build muscles, achieve career milestones, change careers, take up hobbies, get out more, travel more, work less, workout more, read more, or completely reinvent ourselves entirely. The mantra ‘New Year, new me’ echoed across every digital platform.
But is it possible that these resolutions, far from being helpful, might do more harm than good, especially with regards to our mental health?
The festive season, with its slick, idealised Christmas advertising and picture-perfect holiday movies reinforces the idea of ‘idyllic lives’. Social media and so called ‘influencers’ amplify this message with heavily filtered, glossy reels, of seemingly effortless transformations. These curated images create the illusion that happiness is something to be earned, and that perfection is within reach – if only we could work hard enough, leaving us feeling stuck in our own inadequacies, and wondering why we are the only ones who haven’t figured it out yet.
But life isn’t a highlight reel. It is messy, complex, nuanced and uniquely imperfect. Perhaps the bigger question, isn’t ‘Why haven’t I figured it out’, but rather ‘What am I looking for?’. When every New Year hinges on us reinventing ourselves (again) and becoming a better version of ourselves (again), we are caught in a perpetual cycle of striving without ever arriving. The endless pursuit of ‘better’ can leave us feeling disconnected from who we truly are. Often, our resolutions are driven not by internal desires, but by external expectations. We resolve to do what we think we should – eat better, work harder, or be more productive – rather than considering what we genuinely want or need.
As we head into January, maybe it’s time to pause and reflect, and resist the pressure to become someone else. You are not a constant self-improvement project! Instead of focussing on fixing perceived flaws, what if you met yourself exactly and unapologetically where you are at. If you choose to make any changes, then make them mindfully, from a place of self-compassion rather than self-criticism. You don’t need to earn your place in the world. There is a YOU-shaped space in the Universe, that only you can fill. You don’t need to reinvent yourself to be worthy.
Perhaps, the best way to begin a New Year is with reflection, acceptance and the knowledge that you are already worthy. Resolving to stop apologising and to be more authentically ‘You’, might be a resolution that is worth keeping.
Author: TCF Grief Counsellor
We provide a BACP accredited counselling service, however if you are in crisis, please call the Samaritans who are available 24/7 on 116 123 or call 111.